life, agh
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: NoFx - Linoleum
This is my current situation.. Im stuck in NY.. my dad passed away 2 months ago and nothings been the same since.. we had to move from VA (my one and only home) to NY cause we didn't have money to stay there.. no place to live.. I miss my friends so much its not even funny... So, thats it... My moms really taking everything hard.. the bill collectors are going after her in all different directions.. she doesnt even have money to pay half of that...its crazy.. it seems like life keeps kicking us in the ass no matter what happens but we're getting through it... im hoping to get to see my friends in VA this weekend.. they're keeping me going. I dont really know whats gonna happen next... what tomorrows gonna bring but i cant wait to be completely happy again..you see im not your normal every day teenager with a sucky life... I have two lives.. well, I did.. Heres the story... I got sick of my life one day, sick of having nothing "cool" to tell people.. nothing to make jokes about.. nothing to make people say.. "hey i wish i was her".. so i started making things up.. Sooner or later I got hooked.. I couldn't stop lieing.. Couldn't stop decieveing people... I started making up excuses for everything.. I covered up everything that happened that wasnt good enough... Everytime something bad happened I made an excuse about it and put it in the back of my mind where it'd be hidden until it dissapeared completely.. but then I realized - thats not gonna happen. My pain is never gonna completely dissapear, no matter how long I ignore it.. or how many excuses I make to cover it up...Its gonna get stronger and sooner or later I wont be able to overcome it.. but I have.. I have accepted that my life isn't so good.. I've accepted that i'm not cool like everyone else wants to be so bad.. I don't like all black clothes and black make-up... I do believe in God.. and its him who gave me the strength to overcome this.. I have friends that care about me so much they were willing to help me escape all this.. but i'm done running.. i'm through pretending that im something else just so you people accept me. I am a 16 year old part italian, irish... etc girl.. I have the nose of all italians.. I have eyes that are sometimes so green its blinding... I don't have the perfect body.. i weigh 119 lbs and i have a tummy... I didnt learn how to swim till this summer... I have eggzema... and my feet smell. I can't skateboard, I can't dance, but I can rollerblade... I can dance anyway just cause its fun.. and I can make even the most serious person laugh.. if thats not good enough for you.. then fuck you.